Introduction
This article explores the concept of emotional intelligence and its relevance to effective professional mediation, particularly family dispute resolution. We discuss what it means and how it can be measured. We also consider how a mediator’s emotional intelligence influences their effectiveness in practice. A key marker of the professionalism of a mediator is their ability to be impartial or unbiased. Does emotional intelligence impact a mediator’s impartiality?
Some have suggested that emotions and feelings have no business in a mediation or the way a mediator conducts the process. The reality is that emotion is a fundamental feature when people have a dispute or are in conflict. This is particularly the case in family law mediation - better known in Australia as family dispute resolution or FDR.
Discussions between separated parents and couples about their children or financial property settlement are issues which can generate intense feelings and rigid perspectives. These can be difficult and complex issues – which may be dealt with whilst that couple are simultaneously adjusting to the personal and practical challenges of family separation. We find that a mediator – particularly those work in family dispute resolution or FDR – who has well developed emotional intelligence can much more effectively assist parties to problem solve and reach agreement through the mediation process.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is sometimes shortened to EI, EQ – for emotional quotient – or EIQ. The concept gained traction in the 1990s particularly with research conducted by Peter Salovey and John Mayer and later popularised in Daniel Golman’s 1996 book Emotional Intelligence – Why it can matter more than IQ.
Emotional intelligence can be understood as the meeting point of emotion and cognition.
John Mayer defined emotional intelligence as:
“...the ability to carry out accurate reasoning about emotions and the ability to use emotions and emotional knowledge to enhance thought.”
The importance of the link between emotion and cognition was highlighted by the work of neurologist Antonio Damasio. His patients with damage to their pre-frontal amygdala circuit – that part of the brain that deals with emotional cognition and decision making – lacked everyday common sense, notwithstanding having intact IQ. He concluded that feelings are essential to rational thinking and sound decision making.
EIQ includes the development of the following qualities or abilities:
· Awareness of one’s own emotions and of others.
· The use of emotions to improve cognitive tasks, such as problem solving.
· Understanding emotions and how they may combine and change.
· Self-regulating emotions and effectively managing the emotions of others.
Salovey, Mayer and David Caruso developed a reliable test to measure emotional intelligence known as MSCEIT. Although not without criticism, it is regarded as the standard bearer of EIQ measures. This self-administered test takes between 30-45 minutes and with a report and debrief is not cheap at a cost of around $650. A list of free and fee based emotional intelligence tests are available online here.
Emotional Intelligence and Family Dispute Resolution
How does emotional intelligence impact mediation in practice? Mediators and FDR Practitioners (FDRPs) with high EIQ are better at establishing trust and rapport with the parties involved. They tend to have well developed listening skills and engage in active and reflective listening. This allows the mediator to acquire a more holistic understanding of a person’s experience – beyond simply the words that are communicated. When people feel heard and understood, they are more likely to engage in constructive discussion and be more open-minded when considering potential solutions.
A mediator who can demonstrate empathy and understanding towards both parties, while at the same time being seen as impartial, increases the likelihood of a successful outcome and reduces the chances of the parties resorting to litigation.
Emotional intelligence can also help FDRPs to navigate the often-complex dynamics of interpersonal relationships – a common feature in family law disputes where feelings can become heightened and even overwhelming. When individuals are in dispute, emotions can cloud their judgment, make communicate difficult and impair decision making. A mediator who can identify and address the emotional triggers that may be exacerbating the situation can help to defuse tensions and promote more productive dialogue. For example, if one party is feeling hurt or betrayed by the other, a mediator with high emotional intelligence may be able to validate these feelings and help the other party to understand the impact of their actions. By doing so, they can help to repair damaged relationships and create a more positive outcome for all involved.
FDRPs with well-developed emotional intelligence are better able to manage their own emotions, make better decisions moment to moment during the mediation and avoid becoming personally invested in the outcome. This is crucial in maintaining neutrality and impartiality, which are key tenets of effective mediation. A mediator who can regulate their own emotions and remain calm and focused in the face of conflict is better equipped to guide the parties towards a mutually beneficial resolution. Emotionally intelligent people convey their thoughts and feelings more clearly and listen actively to others. Effective communication reduces misunderstandings and builds trust.
It is worth noting that emotional intelligence alone is not sufficient to ensure effective mediation. Mediators must also possess strong communication skills, an in-depth knowledge of the legal and regulatory framework surrounding the relevant issues, and the ability to remain impartial and neutral throughout the process. Emotional intelligence should therefore be seen as one of many important qualities that contribute to successful mediation.
It is also important to recognise that the development of emotional intelligence of all participants in the process is beneficial. Separated couples who are prepared to engage in therapeutic support when in need, who can self-reflect, understand and manage their emotions during a mediation can make the process highly beneficial - even a positively transformative experience. Mediations in which the parties engage in authentic, sincere discussions about the real issues and are prepared to problem solve the solutions are engaging in emotionally intelligent dispute resolution. It is tremendously satisfying for mediators to assist and facilitate such respectful and constructive negotiations about important issues. Mediators have an important role in modelling emotionally intelligent behaviour throughout the conflict resolution process.
Conclusion
Emotional intelligence may be viewed as the cooperative balance of emotion and cognition. In dispute resolution, feelings may be viewed as an essential and necessary element, integral to effective cooperative and solution focussed decision making.
One of the key competencies of EIQ identified by Salovey and Mayer was the ability to use emotion in a constructive way in order to facilitate cognitive activities such as problem solving. Such skills are particularly beneficial for a family dispute resolution practitioner conducting family law mediation, where emotions can be especially intense and complex.
Emotional intelligence can be improved through the development of emotional self-awareness – as propounded by the ancient Greek maxim “know thyself”. Some mediators adopt daily practices outside the confines of the mediation session to promote EIQ such as through self-reflection, meditation, yoga and relaxation techniques. We have seen that mediators have a role in modelling emotionally intelligent behaviours during the dispute resolution process and that outcomes are improved if all participants can engage with their “cognitive emotional abilities”.
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